Sit Down
Don't anyone fall over, but I did some intentional exercise today. Boy, am I outta shape. Sheesh.
So I got out of work on time, for a change, not that I'm bitter. Traffic was reasonable. And all of a sudden I was home. Home! With the evening stretched before me. Since I hunkered down with the writing most of the weekend -- 144 pages! Awww yeah . . . -- there were the usual things that I didn't do. Like laundry. And chicken. You know: marinate, cook, dice, bag. That routine. So I could do that. I should do that. But, um, no. Not in the mood.
Really, just not in the mood.
What I was in the mood for, surprisingly enough, was a nice long walk in the breezy sunshine! Unfortunately, lack of sidewalks and post-work traffic kept me inside. And another one of the things I didn't get done this weekend was buying a treadmill. Suck. So I thought, well, I'll just pull out the ol' Sans0ne 2 mile video I used to do, back in the day. Seems like everybody's been talking about the WATPs vids. But could I find it? No, I could not. Suck! Part Deux.
So I hemmed and hawed and finally threw in the step tape. The step tape I used to do without a problem. Riiiight.
Oh the agony of breaking a sweat. I always forget that part. Or rather, my body always forgets that it can break a sweat and survive. But break a sweat I did. And then about 25 minutes into the 50 minute routine I was reduced to just marching in place. One spontaneous cool down later, I was done. I can walk for an hour, up hill, down hill. But I can only do 25 minutes of step aerobics or watch live sex cam shows.
So. I did 25 minutes of step aerobics! And that's more than I've done in months and I'm going to stop beating myself up about it right now and go work on the writing some more. Oh right. That is, after I get the chicken in the oven, I'm going to go work on the writing some more.
Meanwhile -- the fabulous Denise is coming to my neck of the woods first week of October and I get to meet her AND her mama!
And Another
Official weigh-in = down a pound. 2.2 more pounds to go to get back my 15%. Then I'll have to pick another small goal.
And what I really need to do is get back to the working out.
In what little I caught at the WW meeting yesterday, the leader was talking about how he passed a car with a flat tire on the way to the meeting, and how it got him thinking about The Program because even though a car has 4 tires, you can't just pick 1 or 2 of them to do the work -- it takes all 4 of them to keep it on the road.
He identified the 4 tires of the program as: eating better, moving more, changing your thinking, and taking advantage of the support. And he said that most people get on board with the "eating better" right away. That's their main focus. And, if they keep at it long enough, they kind of have to change their way of thinking just in order to keep eating right. But they'll let the activity slide and if they do keep coming to the meetings, they hit the scale, pay their money, and are out the door.
And they wonder why it's so hard. Why it's such a battle.
Hello -- that would be ME.
He said it all better than I just did, but that's the gist of it.
Here I am, 3 weeks in, and I've managed to keep the eating rolling for all but 1 day. I ought to be able to keep that up for a good long while -- until the weight loss trickles back down to 0.001 pounds a week, or stops altogether. Which it mos def will. I keep giving myself the excuse that I need to put all my time into my writing right now. That's a big personal goal of mine -- huge! -- to finish this book. And it won't get done with half an hour here and there.
But that's just an excuse.
I keep thinking about how I DID have it all going on there -- back in the day -- on the spot with the food and the exercise. Walking 6-8 miles every Sunday. And my weight loss still slowed down and my blood sugar still went up.
That's not exactly motivating.
It's not eactly true, either. Because even though I was eating within my points target back then, I was eating mostly carbs. Lots of sugar and white flour. I didn't know any better. I swear, I didn't know!
Now, I do. I eat more veggies and fruit. I've turned my back on the frozen foods aisle.
And I just need to get over my damn self and start moving my damn ass again.
One of these days, I just might.
Today is a good day
I want to record this little bit of bliss -- because I rush through most of the rest of my life. You know? I can't wait to lose weight. I can't wait for the weekend. I can't wait till the new season of The W1re starts (Sunday, FYI). I can't wait for a new book by Jennifer Crus1e. Or Dennis Leh@yne. I can't wait for the new Trent Reznor. Or the F00 Fighters. I can't wait for the beginning of October, because I'm taking the week off then -- Scott and I are BOTH taking the week off then -- and we're going to Busch gardens in Williamsburg and it's going to be so much fun.
But right now is good, too. Right now is really good, actually.
It started with the cuddling. Scott is up at the ass-crack of dawn for work during the week -- 5:00 a.m, blech -- and, during golf season, on the weekends he's up for the first tee-off which is, literally, sunrise. But because of all the rain yesterday and the high winds, he slept in this morning and we got to cuddle. I actually found myself lying there thinking, I love this man, I love this man, I love him I love him I love him. It's nice to slow down and remember how much you like the guy you live with.
It's nice to be liked, too.
And then, my lovely, sincere, but incapable-of-holding-onto-a-line-of-thought WW leader had left me unenthused about attending meetings, so I'd skipped last week. But then, this morning dawned gray and rainy and I decided to try the Saturday meeting, just for kicks.
It was great!! And packed -- I got there a little late, thinking how many people are going to be spending Saturday morning at a WW meeting? Hah. I ended up sitting on the floor. I missed most of the discussion because of the lines at weigh-in. (Down 3 pounds, according to that -- but keeping in mind that it was 2 weeks and I hadn't eaten yet, whereas I had before the Sunday meetings but still, I liked hearing it.)
The Saturday leader is male and a great speaker from https://www.jasminlive.mobi. Funny, but not a comedian, by any means. Sharp as all hell, though, and obviously loved by his people. The only thing is -- you know that commercial where everybody's doing everything with their eyes closed? It freaks me out, not sure why, and this guy closes his eyes a lot. Not just blinks, but closes his eyes while he's looking at the group and finishing a sentence. I don't think it will keep me from going back to the meeting -- but it was noticable.
After that I had a big bowl of oatmeal -- the real, cook on the stove kind -- and I love oatmeal, so that was a happy thing, too. Then, I motivated my ass to get to the store and get it over with and I actually had a nice time shopping. They weren't out of any of the things I wanted. Can you imagine? I can, now. So of course, I spent way too much. But baby, we are STOCKED now, I'm telling you.
And now it's late afternoon and the gray skies have blown away and the sun is slanting through the windows and I've all the windows thrown wide open so the fresh, rainwashed air can blow through. Scott's curled up watching the Ryder cup, the cat is curled up on the window sill. I'm working on my book.
And I am in no hurry to get through this. This is good.
And this is me, letting The Universe know that I am noticing and that I appreciate it very much.
A Different Road
So I racked up 18 good, on program with the food days in a row. Then there was yesterday.
And it wasn't just the cake. Those two bites of cake -- ~ 3 points -- may not have been great for my blood sugar levels (not that I would know since I tested it first [90! yay!] and then ate the cake) but they were well within my flexpoints.
No, it wasn't cake.
And it wasn't the panang curry chicken -- with just 1 tablespoon of rice, thank you -- either.
Or the spring roll.
Nope, nope, all counted within my flexpoints.
It was the chocolate-covered peanut butter pretzel bits at S'bucks afterward. And then, after I got home, it was the baked sour cream and cheddar ruff1es chips. A lot of them.
I counted everything -- estimating on the high side, since I don't know for SURE about the stuff at S'bucks. But I am, right now, if I stay within my target today and tomorrow, negative 2.5 flexpoints for the week.
I woke up this morning and flirted, briefly, with the idea of throwing a hissy fit. About being stupid, and only hurting myself, and how the fuck am I supposed to lose weight if I turn around and do stuff like sit down with a bag of baked sour cream and cheddar ruff1es chips when I'm already feeling bad about eating chocolate-covered peanut pretzels and watching live cam shows on www.chaturbaterooms.com.
(Just for the record, I'd still have a few flexpoints left if I'd skipped the chips.)
But then I added it all up online and negative 2.5 is a big fat so fucking what. I am not fat because I eat 2.5 points too much food every week. I'm fat because I eat 2.5 points too much and then I go crazy and eat everything else.
So I took the road less traveled this morning. I skipped the Scalegod AND (most of) the guilt and recriminations.
O'course we'll see how well this whole new road thing holds up. But right now? I feel like I got right back on track. And it feels pretty good.
Just. Wrong.
So. I am a little more than half-way thru the whole "prick your finger at specified times during the day for a month then see the endocrinologist" project. Today, I am supposed to test my blood 2 hours after eating lunch. So I very sensibly ate a high protein low carb meal.
La la la.
Today there was also a shower in the office. (Actually, MOST days there are showers in this office. Everybody except me, apparently, is pregnant. I just look like I am.) And while I contributed to the purchase of a gift, I avoided the shower because, well, they were serving desserts and, you know, no dessert for me.
They proceed to bring the leftovers downstairs and put them on the counter that is right outside my office.
I proceed to cut myself a 2 bite -- seriously, just 2 bites -- piece of white cake with frosting.
It's sitting on my desk and I am counting the minutes until I can test my blood so I can eat the damn thing.
Is that wrong?
Tuesday!??
Just a quick note to say that I'm still here, still good with the food, still working on the writing. The Scalegod spits at me -- hasn't budged since Sunday. Whatever. Actually, I didn't see him yesterday, so he may have budged yesterday and I wouldn't know. Maybe I'll dis him tomorrow, too. Get him good and pissed off and who knows what he'll throw at me next official weigh in.
Yeah, you know me. Livin' on the edge . . .
1 pound
Weighed in this morning and am shockingly down a pound. Mind you, I'll take it. I just wasn't expecting it.
Two Weeks
It is the end of my second week of being back with WW and back with the program, food-wise. For the WWers among you, I'm ending this week with 6.5 flexpoints. (No chips last night!!) And I'm feeling good about that, since it was PMS week. And since I am consciously going to try to eat most of my 35 flexpoints every week.
I haven't factored in any activity points becuse I haven't earned any activity points. I hope to change that, but this week isn't looking like that week. I'm really working on the writing. I've got 120 pages written for a book that has to be at least 320 pages long (for a contest I'm planning to enter in early December).
But I feel like I got off track with the last 20 pages of it, so I'm planning to work on that tomorrow. Which means I may end tomorrow with fewer pages than I start with. *sigh* But it has to be done. I spent most of today at our local writers group meeting. There was so much talk about "branding" and marketing and what's selling and blah blah blah. I can't think about that, because that kills it for me. I just have to put my head down and keep plowing.
So even without any working out going on, these last two weeks have been magic for me. I'm there with the food AND with the writing!!! Unprecedented, in my life.
I'm supposed to weigh in, officially, at WW tomorrow. But I've gotten exactly NOTHING out of the last 2 meetings -- the leader's sweet, but so distractible she never finishes a single frickin' thought. And my heart's with the writing, right now. So I'm probably going to skip the meeting. But I will weigh in on my Scalegod tomorrow morning. I expect a gain, there, since I finally got my period and I feel like I've swallowed a bowling ball. But that means, if I can hold it together this week, the next weigh in ought to be stellar.
Or not. This is, after all, me. :-)